One day, a gruff Italian man strode out of

One day, a gruff Italian man strode out of his house to find a pile of dog shit in his front yard. Now, with the full knowledge that he hadn't a dog, he made the quick decision to

ask his next door neighbour , Jim, about it. Jim has a large wrangly mutt by the name of Steve. When asked about the poop, Jim said he didn't know anything about it. So the man

, disbelieving Jim's innocence, bundled it up in tissue paper, tied with a little string, and placed it in Jim's front yard. Let him see what it was like to suddenly step in

it. But lo & behold, when Jim rushed out to see what kind of gift was delivered to him & unwrapped it, he was delighted with what he found! "This is genuine Burmese chocolate!" he

said, spreading the cat pâté on a water biscuit. Also in the box were dried goldfish chips and a tin of spammed dog. Jim had eaten all of his own pets a long time ago & now had to

find something else to snack on. Jim looked out the window and, spying his neighbors delicious-looking puppy, he snuck over the fence & stuffed little Spotty in his backpack. Yum!

He went to 711 & to purchase Kibbles'n'Bits to fatten up Spotty singing "Frogs & snails & puppy dogs tails that's what little boys are made of" when a muffled bark from his backpac

k almost got the clerk's attention. He'd put the puppy in the backpack to teach him a lesson. The 7-11 clerk said, "What?" He said, "Rough. It's been a little rough." The hot dogs

were giving him heartburn, his throat... The clerk cut him off: "I know you have a dog in there!" The owner frowned in denial. "Your backpack is made of transparent vinyl." the cl

erk observed with lifted disapproving eyebrows. "We don't serve his kind, now take that mutt and skedaddle on home." With heavy heartburn I slunk on outa there.