The Lobster Wolf bared its fangs and waved its claws threateningly in the air. Liam Neeson, back up against a tree, stared it down, armed only with a KFC spork and a copy of

"Cindy, you're not eating your fruits and veggies." Despite the house-cams, Cindy said: "That's right, Mom. Because I don't want to become a pod person like you and Dad." Her Mo

"Hi, Y'All. Today we're making Black Strap Molasses Bacon Cookie Pancake Butter Cream Puffs with a Bourbon Vanilla Fudge Twinkie sauce," gushed Paula Dean. Her eyes gleamed like

The stinkbugs are coming! The stinkbugs are coming!

He used a sock puppet to pick up beautiful women.

You are a D.A.P., a Depressed Anxiety Person.

She stood there, pick axe in her hand, pools of blood by her feet. All was silent,

"What do you get when you cross a hot dog, a ball of yarn and a pink flamingo with an ice cream cone and a keyboard?" .... silence. Hmm. Tough crowd.

"I'm a fountain of blood, in the shape of a girl!' screamed Björk. "All is full of love! My name's Isobel!" This was the worst yet - nothing could contain her as she raved and

I chopped apples, put them into a dish. Flicked off some sliced slug (organic!), slapped on some pastry. In the oven for a random amount of minutes. I am a Domestic bloody Goddess

hi hiu hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi

So are you allowed to trim during Movember? I'm really not sure what the rules here are. I don't want to have to sacrifice my prostate due to a technicality or anything.

"Firebrand chili will put hair on your chest, and a hole in your duodenum, said the sign outside." "Well, spoon me a bowl. Maybe it'll put hair on my bald pate too." said

First it was wine and flowers. Then it was dinner and a movie. Then it was delivery pizza. Then it was warm-it-up-yourself leftovers. Now it's texts about poo. Color; girth; freque

Just got out of the hospital. Only hurts when I laugh. Feeling fine. I am alive and well. You'll never believe what happened to me in there, though. When I was in the OR,

"Aye, a comely lass you aarrrrr. How'd ye like to play me bagpipes?" These & many other foreign accent pick-up lines will be yours, for the low low price of 19.95. What are you

The blonde was red ...

In a ship on the open sea, I stood at the helm. "Cap'n!" my faithful servant said. I turned to see him waving around a baby tyrannosaurus. "It finally hatched, Cap'n!" he cried.

It was a gay joy. Just divine and absolutely fabulous. We held hand in hand gazing at the round rainbow's curve, so tremendously endowed, it was.

My uncle was obsequious, purple & clairvoyant, pompous, obese & ate cactus, dull, boring & omnipresent & criticized things he didn't know about. "He needs his knees removed!" said