I'm anti matter.

At 11;47 am on a Tuesday, all the mimes in the world stopped in their tracks and began to migrate to New Zealand. Thousands drowned on the sea-leg of their journey, puddles of

I knew it was a mistake as soon as I

The door opened in the ancient Abbey. The highly respected figure did not appear. Instead, there was a collective gasp as Tony Blair Witch entered

"He's alive!"Shouted the mad scientist.He had just made a Dracula alive with mad science,with his small brain of his.Dracula rose up,look around and soon,3-headed Hellhounds enter.

The car was entering the curve at well below the speed limit. Little did this matter as the driver was blindfolded. This was the ultimate test of clairvoyance. As the road turned,

Hmmmm....pole dancing classes down at the senior citizen center sounds kinda fun, thought Ella. No experience necessary. Orthopedic shoes OK, the ad said. But when Ella got there

I named my first born Mountain Dew because

Strangely, the song "Like a Virgin" came to mind as I sat there getting my head shaved. Hundreds of "cranial prosthetics" surrounded me on faceless heads. I could reinvent myself

The maroon Hot Rod was Cassie's pride and joy.Her brother Anthony was helping her with it whe the fine tuning went wrong and the motor started to die on her.Cassie cried for help

"Really?" Art Garfunkel was incredulous. "Rubbing parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme on my feet will do it?" "Indeed," intoned Dr. Robinson. Homeopathic remedies for foot odor

Snookie felt a brief twinge of doubt as he paused on a rung to catch his breath. He was bored with hot wiring cars. It had become too easy, too routine. A crane! Noone had ever

Denis the Dung Beetle rolled his ball of muck away from the dung heap before the other dung beetles could snatch his prized lump. It was a wonderful life

Despite the speed and efficiency are used in the process, the vegetables are treated with respect. They are given giant rubber aprons to

I miss my cat so much.

Roll up a fatty. Twist it at the ends. You invite the homies. I'll invite the friends.

The violin started to sing and he saw the White Swan dancing gracefully, turning around, approaching to him. Sensual, virginal. Perfection taking form of a woman.

"I ran so far away." He repeats to me quietly. "But where?" I once again inquire. He chuckles. "There." He points far behind me. "And dear, would you believe how glad I am?" I sigh

"POPULAR BURGER SHOP USES PAINTED BUNS" was written on the front page of the newspaper this morning.

"Excuse me Sir, may I take your coat? No. Miss Penelope sends her apologies she be not well. I'd glad t' see you have recovered from a bout o' scurvy. Are you expectin' any other