On a much-deserved date with the spouse at a new place. New Order's "Bizarre Love Triangle" is playing in the background.

Her skin had the texture, color, and scent of a perfectly roasted marshmallow. Her hair was like a sheet of black plastic and her eyes were green diamonds. I held

Evaporated cane syrup. Really? You think we are dumb enough at this co-op to not know that this is sugar? Gluten-free? Milk-free? Fat-free? Is there anything left in this food?

"I'm saying YES to this dress!" Susan cried, throwing her arms in the air & twirling around. I tried to smile, but honestly, it was the most god-awful wedding dress I'd ever seen.

I dried off and wrapped the towel around my waist. Entering my bedroom, I dropped the towel and glanced up to see my wife's friend standing there. We held eye contact for a full 5

His name was Hamoon, my story's hero. I don't remember that much. I suppose he lived in a jungle near the village...now I understand. I understand all those dreams of drowning,

Whose idea it was to combine aerosol whipped cream with misted Red Bull would not be invited to my Niece's Birthday party ever again.

"I drink Champagne like you drink water" boasted Belvedere. "Who are these people?" he quizzed. "They are your fans Sir" said Marchant. "They're unwashed, they disgust me"

Rose called her Twilight fanfiction '30 shades of Brown' & sat back waiting for the cash to roll in. In summary, Gordon Brown ex-GB Prime Minister & part time vampire lives in Seat

Humans distinguish themselves through tool use. No primates, elephants, parrots & octopi do too. Okay, but humans use sounds to represent objects. No, chimps can do that.

Why do you say you didn't eat my tahini when I can clearly see some there at the corner of your mouth?

Last week, I got a invite to a birthday party, from a weightless talking dolphin who likes to collect space rubble.

It was classic John versus Jim. Older versus younger. Calculating versus impetuous. Slower versus faster. Weaker versus stronger. Loser versus winner. Obviously,

If you want happy ever after and kisses on lips and flowers and violins then stop reading.This story's not for you.

"Mffmphm. Mmmpha, heamfff - phmmth!" he mumbled through the duct tape over his mouth. I grinned and revved the Smart ForTwo's engine, which sounded exactly like a hair dryer

The high barbed wire fence and menacing guard towers belied the truth hidden behind the Police Barracks. The corps had disco fever. The chief wore a headdress and

"The sweetest joy, the wildest woe is special air force units that guide our bomber formations!" winked the commander. God I hated him.

It's a ticking time bomb. You stare at it on the kitchen counter, as seconds tick off one by one. Damn. Suddenly you regret rigging your walls with explosives that

I was driving along the A82 in the gloaming when I heard clashing chords. From the depths of Loch Ness rose a sparkly beast playing a star-shaped guitar: the Glam Rockness Monster!

Garfield had joined the Baltimore police force. Yeah he was an orange cat but he had wanted to make a difference. That was before he wanted to take down Stringer Bell.