The Gecko turned to Obama and said, "Listen Chap, I put a lot of cash in your war chest a few years ago. All I want is for the government to approve my buying Farmer's insurance

Ms. Sneedly gasped as she looked over Tommy' s shoulder. It took a moment for her to speak. "What did you draw there, Tommy?" she asked unsteadily, trying to smile. Tommy stared up

"But the end of the world... bla bla.. mayans.... bla bla... higher consciousness... bla bla....intergalactic alignment yada yada...." "Uhum, yeah.... pass the potatoes honey"

"...Now this is different," I said. Tiny little bumps were beginning to form on my knuckles. The weird thing was, that they were a sickly green color. "Wonder how this happened..."

If I could back as an animal I would come back as an octopus and hide in my ex-girlfriend's tub so I could

Up. Down. Up. Down. The twisted game of gravity. The cruel litany of man after man at the gallows. Up. Down.

The inaugural FoldCon was a smashing success. Fellow folders met, mingled, chatted, and had a grand old time. But when Santa Claus showed up with Mickey Mouse ears and scotchbreath

"Thats just flabulous Marty. Just say no to the adipose complex! Who's ready to show their love cushions?" Everyone looked for someone else to volunteer. Big Bob sagged in his seat

Look at the screen. Just rest your eyes and stare at the green dot in the center. After a few seconds, your peripheral vision will fade. That's when you see them...

Lilith was lost

It was 11 p.m., Mr. Aardvark glanced outside to the pouring rain. Another cigarette, another Bourbon. The cutout ransom letter he had found read "Get me my Golden Diamond or

And he wiped his mouth with a gold towel. He looked at Zeek sheepishly. "Like that?" Zeek patted his shoulder, "That's how you earn your red wings." After that time

Spock looked down on the human race and said, "They are highly illogical."

"Server disconnected - please try again in a moment." Toromir Ravensgrog found himself back at his tavern with all its burdens, eager to level up as the CPA for a pet-shop chain in

I awoke with a start when I heard the cocking of rifles down the hall. It was just as I had always feared: the poodle poachers had come for Fifi.

There was just nothing in the world better than a pair of orange tap shoes. Unless it was neon-green toenail polish. Either way, he was pretty sure

"You have contravened my will for the last time, mortal." The Night Queen gazed down at her wretched prisoner. "Sentinel!" she cried, her clear voice echoing, "Take him to the

Blink 182 was over as a band. They'd hated each other ever since they'd hit pay dirt because every single one of them thought they were the secret genius behind the music but

Up for auction... lot 31... mason jar full of human teeth. What am I bid?

Beryl examined her toast carefully and carefully nibbled around the image of Princess Diana burnt into its crisp surface.