"There's no place like home. There's no place like-" She opened one eye, to check if anything had changed. It hadn't. She shut it again. "-home. There's no-

Her kids loved dinosaurs, but she couldn't take them to the natural history museum with its lies about evolution and how the earth had existed longer than the Bible said.

The pink brain sits on my desk with a green hotai to keep it company. The brain, a gift from the oral deaf education people, thinks it is sooo smart. The rabbit just looks on

If one more woman claimed to have cornered the market in emotions then Ned was going to hug his pillow. At least men don't pretend, Ned was an empath's empath. He could sense

The unfathomable depths of the alien ocean beneath him terrified him. The thoughts of creatures unknown striking him from the darkness beneath. Perhaps he should use a boat, but no

She made her excuses and left me 2 sleeping pills along with gaps around the house and in my heart. Now half broken and half hopeful of new new lover, careful I don't add to the

Harold the Bear was missing his hat. It was pointy and made of red felt, like a garden gnome's. He made inquiries with his forest brethren. "Have you seen my hat?"

I got 399 freakin' points!!!!!!!

What is it with you people?

His eyes glazed as he looked into the dairy section. What did they put into a White Russian? Would non-dairy creamer work? Did they ever try buttermilk? At 3 am, his thoughts went

"Sure, the world is full of crazy people. But what is to be done?" asked Lenin17. "Where's my golden limo?" implored Lenin14. "I know what I seek. Please direct me to the Zone,"

The diamonds were fake, but Jess didn't care. She knew he could only afford the pretend love, but that's what she was giving him, so it didn't sting as much. His wife's gun was

I met the clouds when Abdel took up to oud and Fatimah sang of the Arab Middle Kingdom. The Star of the East rose and many nights and sweet longing for love were reawakened.

I WAS IN CLASS AND I SUDDENLY HAD TO TAKE A

She woke up to her phone ringing in her ear,

"Will these friggin' tools every give up?" Zuckerberg asked to nobody in particular. "Who, the hackers?" asked this assistant. "No, the Winklevoss twins, they just

Sometimes, as you go along in life, you come to a time when you realise that all you have achieved, all that seems to matter so much, is but a speck of dust in the immensity of

The people of earth avoided looking at each other. We had too much to say, but had become very shy. It was as if we were all riding an elevator in silence, waiting for the doors

Last week I judged a Burger Competition. My least favorite was a new burger made from cow stem cells. It really lacked the satisfaction I get from knowing an animal was slaughtered

How in the hell does someone throw out their back blowing out the candles on their birthday cake? I asked for a pie. I'm allergic to cake.