"Yea, Hi thea. How ya doin?" "I'm fine, Miss. Would you like to make an order?" "Yea, shua. I need some Samun & Baygulls." "Sorry Mam, can you repeat that?" "Samun, you know fish?"

"So you took a nap while driving?" "Yes, it was a boring stretch of road so I put the car in autocruise & put on my Ostrich pillow." "The court notes defendent refers to exhibit A.

Once apon a time, there was a purple transvestite chicken named Derik. There were some very unique things about Derik. Not only could she morph into anything she wanted, she could

What is it with you teenagers these days? Seriously.Life is really not as bad as you think.Don't listen to what the media tells you.The world is yours,Chicas, and everything in it.

Yup...it's that time of year again. The 30th Annual Lowcountry Oyster Festival is one of the world's largest foodie events. But there are some, uh, "implications" to eating oysters

One day, the giant pixie set out to hunt down a very wise spider. She left the Castle of Azerouth at 1:45pm and headed towards the Blue Lagoon. When she arrived,

At the graduation ceremony Miss Sahatharraingorgoatashuaniathinogorgoghogh awaited her name to be read out and wondered if her doctorate in biomechanical engineering would

"Waaaait! Stop! It's the balloon child!" the mayor shouted. The crowd gasped and looked where he pointed. The balloon child

I opened the valentine. Inside were 4 plastic corn cob holders and a card that read: "I want to kiss you behind the ears." That's it. Nothing else. And it wasn't signed.

"There was a young lady from Venus whose body was shaped like a..." "Yada yada yada.. How about .. There was once a Bloke from Uranus who had a

"Sorry, stud, I didn't catch your name." "I'm just a pool boy, I need no sympathy. It's Amir, by the way." Ahhh, Amir. That wouldn't have been Gloria's first guess, so it's a good

My name is Katrina, and I'm destined to be a criminal. I was born and raised by criminals, and am the average screw-up. I'm fourteen and am already running from the law.

Poocher considered himself a smart dog with a sharp nose like Ace the Bathound or Tintins dog, Snowy, but his stakeout of the half man half manatee spooking around his neighborhood

"You have a hot heart for such cold deeds."

I was making a cheese and ham toastie by ironing the ingredients between 2 slices of bread. Now I had melted cheese all over my ironing board and the steam setting made the bread

As I heard the click of the house lock sliding into place, I realized my pocket contained a wallet, cell phone, two wintergreen life-savers, ticket stub and absolutely no keys.

Then Mr grey ripped my clothes off and threw me on the bed.

It was hotter than blue blazes that afternoon. I took all my clothes off long ago. I should have listened to those armadillos who tried to warn me. It was obscurely clear that I

"Go ahead" I said. "Take one". I could tell everything I needed to know by what flavor Jolly Rancher each candidate selected. ~Apple~ Hmm, hadn't counted on that. This called for

I got back from the video store, walked in, and checked my messages. Thirsty, I grabbed a Tab from the fridge and settled into my favorite chair. Oh cool! Cheers was on, and it was