May I introduce myself? He handed me with his clawlike anntenae a business card reading "Yawunik Kootenayi - Lobster With Two Sets Of Eyes From 500,000,000 B.C."

My left leg is larger than my right leg, and the left side of my face protrudes about half an inch further than the right side, which seems to sag a little. I'm an asymmetrical

אני כותבת, כי אני יודעת לכתוב, וזה מה שצריך לעשות, כדי לנשום ולהיות ואין ברירה אחרת אלא, לכתוב ולהכתב

Rain puddles. What glorious, gloomy, gloppy ways to celebrate autumn! And *that* one looked like one of the gloppiest best. Sinjohn burst into a sprint, gathering himself to leap

Earth had finally settled down to a simmer, and the Galactic Ambassadors were about to introduce themselves with a cough or whatever, but Earth went all spooky in springtime and

"But the economy is in the shitter, and for once I want to report the truth!" But Rupert Murdoch squeezed his head and said

The office staff found a bubble gum soda in a box. "Do you think we should drink it?" said the statistician.

Dr. Myotis's cure for hearing loss was nearly perfected. His first human trial was moments away. Soon his son would hear again. He prepared the mRNA syringe and injected the boy.

"Time chases after us all." These words permeated the air around me like a foul stench as I ran. I could hear the never-ending tick-tock of the unseen clock. Not gonna make it

The television played the national anthem. It was pitch black and flickers and he'd nodded again. He hadn't heard a channel go off air since he got cable, but ghost are sentimental

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The deep dank rainforest in Borneo is 130 million years old. Professor Pat McGroin had spent months in the forest trying to observe the mating habits of the birds of paradise, only

I'd arranged to meet Ronnie 'OMG' Delaney, my ex business partner & part time cockroach at the Leg o' Mutton on Lambs Conduit. He swung in wearing a leather trench coat & flat cap.

La Biblia

"You are sooo Back A&^wards every day. You always get up fully dressed, but by the time you hit the living room your clothes are off, and you sitting in front of

I dug under my couch cushions and found the remote, 75 cents, and some cheetos. But I also found an evil, staff-wielding capybara. "Can I get you something to drink?" I asked him.

She sighed heavily--again. It dropped onto his consciousness like a fly landing on a whale being air-vac'ed. That last fly-weight sigh snapped his strained sanity and his mind expl

My friend got the lease on a hole-in-the-wall bar near Troost in KC. He's opening in June & needs a good name. The rejected names are Bar O'Soap, Wong's Half Way Inn, The Bearded C

I'm feeling pretty down. Sure, there's the wife, kids, job, car, house, etc. etc. but what's it all about? Work work work, worry worry, stress. Eat, sleep, repeat. I think I'll buy

In experienced preparation for a day at The Happiest Place on Earth, I consumed 800 mg of pain reliever, 100 mg of a selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor, and a cup of dopamine.