My name is Euphimia Handy, and this is my life story.... shall I start at the beginning then?... Well it all began in a little town called Ugaulbert in a little known country of...

The framed photograph was all that was left of the mother's lies. The mother's lies that made up their happy childhood. A childhood where they needed nothing but wanted

He took the hot dog, gripped it with his tongs. The tong's teeth bit into the plump, moist wiener. He split open the fluffy bun. He spread the doughy halves apart and gingerly

Last time I smelled this bad I lost my best girl. She said it's cuz i stunk. Anyway she stunk worse than I ever did. I changed my underwear but my heart was

The auto-correct of my iPad makes me look like a moron as it auto-incorrects my typing to make it look like I type in tongues.

Drama happens everyday. Today,

Five minutes into the day she had that sinking feeling. She knew she had hired the wrong person. No more Gen Ys she promised herself. She should have seen it coming when

Until a year ago he owned his father’s pawn shop but left it to deal in anything-you-want from a shop with no address. I saw him walk behind the police car and light

I remember being born, which I guess is pretty rare. Everyone always wants me to tell them about it, but the truth is childbirth is not pretty. Do you want to know? Okay, fine:

The freakin' snow was up to my crotch, not that I minded the stimulation, but I needed to get to the meet her. She had left a chat on my phone and I was intrigued. All it said

Well, at least I thought it would be like that. I was never quite sure of how unsure I really was. In fact, the only thing I've ever been sure of was cheese. Cheese was my passion.

The waiter, a tired looking bespectacled Asian man, turned his head. "I don't want this stuff. I want the stuff you eat when all the white people leave." The waiter smiled and

Jack was a jack of many trades. Ex-miner, ex-pirate, ex-mercenary - the list was not full. It did not include, for instance, a number of ex-friends, that were possessed by a desire

They squared up to each other. Everyone was shouting. They were breathing deeply, glaring harshly into one anothers eyes. Walkie talkies were cracklng with distress.

You don't know me. I'm the one that puts that "Fruit of the Loom" sticker on those tidy whities you are sitting there in. Working at the computer in your underwear? I should

The part of me that is a former graphic designer is intrigued and appalled by this technology.

I put on my robe and wizard hat. The garish costume did nothing to improve my spirits, however, and the sleeves were now far too short. I sighed in disgust. I needed a tailor.

"Nothing like this ever ends well," she said, holding onto my arm. I squeezed her hand. "Maybe this will be different," I answered, but I knew

The yellow cat(not Garfield)was staring at Jane so full of himself...She hated that cat!Steve was such an idiot!Why did he have to give her that stupid cat?And then convince her to

Fine, you go ahead and start the car. Meanwhile, I'll finish putting rope around the children, burn the house and make sure the neighbours keep quiet. Just don't complain when