You have twelve hours to live. :)

Tonight was the night. The night that I was going to meet my idol, Jake Bugg. I was so excited and anxious at the same time. I put on my red converse and headed downstairs.

Grape. Orange. Orange. Durian. Mango. Orange. Radish. Nutmeg. Iceplant. Nutmeg. Grape. Jojoba. Iceplant. Mango. Yam. Orange. Uplandcress. Radish. Mango. Iceplant. Squash. Squash.

The calliope stopped playing. They turned their red noses to the batwing doors. A buffoon snarled, "Didn't anyone ever tell you not to bring a creampie to a seltzer fight?"

John thought of himself as a prospector, staking out a claim for a newly discovered spot. It might have been logical to name it H, but he called in 'J'. He discovered it by acciden

"Save a chicken for the morrow," Granny Grozna always said. But now I felt pity for the chicken, and hoped for a psychotic fugue-state instead. For I had killed my beautiful cousin

I start 'em. You finish 'em. I set 'em up. You knock 'em down. Let's do this dang thing. Ready? Good. You're gonna need your A-game today.

I grew up in a semi. Was potty-trained, learned to read, and even how to gamble before I was three. It was a good life. It was a hard life. It was the only life I knew. And the

I am walking down the street. My shoes making a soft cuffing noise on the stone walk way. The sky is an empty vastness of black. Where are the stars? Where all the people?

"Cold turkey works for fetishes but you have an obsession", said Dr. Ruth. "You can start by sleeping two nights a week with this inflatable duck." I turned to my inflatable wife

All ye beware. The great Guinea Pig Purger has come. He shall cleanse the world of all wickedness--and guinea pigs.

"If I don't come back, light a candle for me," I said brusquely. Her eyes glistened and her chin trembled as I tightened my suspenders. This was certainly going to be

You gotta just tell it like it is, cuz.

My Dr. is a moron. A real dolt. I'm 5-11, 260 and he prescribes me fat pills. Literally the oil from a fish with some kinda lambda 7s or some such bullroar. I laughed in his face

"Once the buttons are undone, you know how it'll all end. It's all in the game, there are no miracles." said the attractive woman. She was explaining XBOX's

"Oh, don't be so scared, it's really very easy and not that steep at all. Watch me."

"I moved to L.A. because people are much better looking, don't talk about politics, and don't try to convince you to install a low flush toilets, become vegan, or

I used clip on ties and shoes with buckles, tore open plastic bags with stay fresh ties a& managed to hide my inability until the day I was supposed to tie the knot. My fiancee

Message sent at 20:13 : Hi Jemma, it's Mark ;) call me when you get this x

"Ah ha! I've have finally discovered how to turn lead into gold! said Mr Noblet, Esquire of Crowburne Manor. He dipped his quill into the inkwell to record the discovery