So I'm sittin there with my infant child watching a horror movie when all of a sudden like thirty bats fly into the bedroom and poop all over the drapes. This was a very bad

Stella Nova stacked her pancakes higher than anybody at the World Waitress Games. Juggling three plates of pancakes, two syrup jugs, and a cup of Ovaltine, she rushed towards the

She looked at him sleeping soundly and then carefully placed a peppercorn under each of his eyelids before leaving the apartment. She thought, "It's my quaint little way of saying

The girls spoke utter nonsense and ran back and forth around the house while I tried to write couldn´t they see I was writing a very important letter to my associates inside the

This may or may not be a brilliant fold. Anuerin Blevins was too rat-arsed to tell.

The anchor sinking to the sea below, like my life. The water waiting quietly to swallow me whole. What becomes of the anchor? What will become of me? I lean over the edge and watch

I told the half dozen cats that are holed up under my house that I tolerated them to stay there just in case I had to move in with them once my house remembers who she is. That day

"Well," I said, getting comfortable on the couch, "my problems seem to stem from the fact that I'm sexually attracted to garden gnomes." "I see," said Dr. Klumpf, scrolling

Detlef was a typical German beer purist, always spouting off about the 'Reinheitsgebot' but I was going to convert him with my batch of Holy Burning Goat Scrotum Ale.

So I graduated wizarding school knowing a smattering about potions, hardly a thing about current affairs, and two cantrips, Create Scotch Egg & Ebenezer's Bewildering Rhinoplasty.

Necronomicon, book of the dead, waited patiently among the remainders next to a Dan Brown novel and an 'Owners Guide to Fish Tanks.'

The 'X' is silent in 'Grand Prix?' I always thought it was aptly named. I am speaking from my bass instincts.

The approach of day is heralded with the sonorous voices of the huge gongs being vigorously beaten by the official welcomer of the dawn.

"But I just can't live without you, Marg!", Gregory cried. But this Margaret isn't the Margaret he had known, the Margaret he had loved. But still, even though Margaret has changed

My wife is in the shower in our hotel room singing Black Sabbath and my heart is filled with

"Septentrionibussinistrisconvocotedaimon!" she wheezed out in one long breath and waved her wand menacingly at the shambling horde of

It was another stupid standard day, except that it wasn't! The moment I opened the prize and saw the 10 Mil, I was excited with all my might and rushed out to purchase my dreams.

I am reading every line in her face. I am driving every role. I am simply being me.

"These are links of pure magnesium, forged by the Dwarf Lords of old for our bravest warriors to fight the fiery Balrog that lurks within the mines-" "Wait" interrupted Fluffums,

I've sent a dish back because the parsley wasn't perky enough, so it might surprise you to hear about the best meal I ever ate. We were a 3-day ride from the Yangtze River and had