"Now look, you normative nellies! I'm fed up with your constipated attempts at control. If you want to go around all day twisted up in pigeon script, that's fine with me. But

He thought about his legacy. "Steve?" Bill Gates stood in the doorway. The flowers in his arms made him look weirder. He sheepishly stepped over to the bed, Bill smiled and coffee

That was when I dared Jimmy to eat 25 slim jims in one sitting. He declined and I double dog dared him. He caved and by the time he got to the 15th one he was beginning to look

"Take it." I looked down at the old man and smiled. "Thank you." I said. He walked away leaving me standing there on the street corner holding a dead gerbil. I began to regret

I looked up at the stars and sighed. It's nothing but a memory now and I should stop dwelling on the past.

If the world in 2050 is suspected of being so populous, why go to Walmart?

The rancid cupcake sat on the back of the pantry shelf. Lurlene had a sweet tooth something fierce.

they consisted of poles planted in the ground with wires strung along the tops to set off grenades and mines if the

The calliope stopped playing. They turned their red noses to the batwing doors. A buffoon snarled, "Didn't anyone ever tell you not to bring a creampie to a seltzer fight?"

It was a hot sunday afternoon. I woke up from my nap and looked at my clock. I was startled because it seemed to be moving backwards. I looked around the room. Everything else

This is the story of Tom. Tom was a simple man. Tom was a good man. He lived his life as an ideal example for others. Everyone loved Tom. Everyone except for that vile

He was a slacker's slacker. With the touch of Bill Murray and sprinkles of Rip Van Winkle he took reclining on the sofa all the way to broadway. His one man show was called

"And if you look at a penny with 3D night-vision goggles, Lincoln has a Hitler mustache." Everyone oohed except Pete. Why did he let Stacy drag him to these meetings? He slumped in

Encyclopedia Brown questioned the Chef of the Golden Dugong on the decapitation of Head of the restaurant Feng Ruilang,while Det. Manatee tried lighting a soggy cigarette.Giving up

"Haha! Managed to complete the prickly circle of life again."

Holy hand grenades Batman! That is a LOT of potatoes! What in the wide wide world of sports are you planning to do with such a ridiculously large mountain of

Roger wanted to remain truly anonymous but his conscience pressed him so he spraypainted his confession on the church wall.As he finished he heard Father Tom's voice behind him say

It's not delivery, it's

"Arrr, me brethren, thank you for this congress. The Somalis have slashed our profits, and American drones have made commerce difficult. So could I interest you in some Tupperware

Able Applebot arched awkwardly ass backward bringing bountiful beauties back. Creeping craftily crosswise crooning cockeyed ditties, 'e expressed extraordinary erudition.