Hey, I've got an idea: why don't we sharpen a piece or two of metal until it's extraordinarily dangerous and then slowly drag it across our bodies to temporarily remove

How men calculate:"The shoes cost 299$!?" How women calculate: "Well they were marked down from 599$ & I got this matching purse for only 199$ which is normally 399$ so I saved you

'Invalid response' my ass! It's my phone, and I'll answer it any way I like, or not at all if I so choose. I'm sick & tired of these nuisance calls from scammers trying to get your

"Puss in Boots just sounds wrong, damn it!"

It's a dog eat dog world thought the Chow chow and ordered a Shih Tzu starter followed by Shar pei main dish but then he changed his mind and went with a

The night before our departure, I could hardly contain my excitement. Leaving for Ireland for a marching band performance was the opportunity of a lifetime, especially for St. Patr

I was in jamaica visiting family. i was having the time of my life. we went all over kingston and saw friends along the way.

Brett had teased Samantha since the beginning of fifth grade. When this insecure, overweight girl threatened him with a water balloon, he never imagined that she would follow thru

Quentin signed for the package and nervously pulled the tab on the envelope. Palms sweating, he reached inside and pulled out what appeared to be a photograph. It was of a thumb.

You are illiterate. You can register most of the words but are unable to subvocalize what an author meant to say, assuming the author actually says anything at all, which

"Las Palabras Completas" only contained 17 words, but it was Albucon's gift to the world. The selection, the sequence, the texture and scent of the paper, the impress of the type -

"But sometimes, sometimes I dare to look him in the eye. Straight. He's like at the end of the bed and stuff. Just, panting. And I look in Fido's eye and I see a killer lurking in

The line for the new iPad was three blocks long at 5am and people were getting testy. When an old lady tried to get to the bus stop, someone shouted “NO CUTS!” and a riot broke out

Monsieur Herault wanted a distinctive fragrance all his own so he commissioned Hermes. Little known to M. Herault, the ingredients included poodle musk. On his daily visit to Gardi

"Yeah, Suri, she's our baby." No Tom, you're not fit to be a parent. You're a terrible human being. You're a whacked out, insecure shrimp scientologist. And I'll tell you what Tom,

My goal is to find a way to resurrect the internet of 20 years go: back before commercialism and social networking and media paranoia. Waybac just doesn't cut it, obviously. When

She was my daughter. I was proud of her. She'd opened up a juice store called Jambo Juice. She was doing well until Jamba Juice opened across the street. Corporate villains.

“Laugh it up, Fuzzball.” said the Siamese cat to the Manx. The Manx couldn't help laughing, the Siamese had just his testicles clipped.

Finn and Jake decided to go on an adventure

I may only be an imaginary friend, but I'll be damned if Mr. Monty Buffit is going to be Forgotten like the rest of those poor made-up bastards! I'll be sure the boy never forgets