"Dad, dad, dad!" Alex said while running to her father. "You won't beleive what happened! I went to school and i met this person!" Her father looked at her and then said

After getting my lunch from the cafeteria i sat down and about to eat my pizza when all of a sudden i saw..

Mpayhba, a.k.a. the Trampoline Planet, was a popular destination for kids and elephants alike. But sometimes, adept bouncers would sail beyond the atmosphere and into the asteroid

Lockdown. Time to play into his psyche. White room. No stimulus. The "interrogatee" was ready for the first wave. Burt was the edge and I was the rope. I counted to three and

But he'd lied. He didn't have Parkinson's disease he

"Your Great Uncle died and left you his record collection, library of books, and film archive." The lawyer then flung a flash drive across the desk. "If you would just sign here."

King Arthur said, "Well that certainly is one way to liven up a meeting." Sir Lancelot

I figure Trixie'd have me back if I could show I was a real man, and hitchhiked across the country to her Appalachian home to rough it in the wilderness with a survivalist cookbook

MAKE HIM STOP REPEATING (repeating) EVERY WORD I SAY! (I say...) I just about had enough with those two in the back, we were in the middle of Utah and our radiator was at boiling.

It's a well covered-up fact that the black part of the eye is actually a small hole into the skull. Most people incorrectly think it's something called the "pupil". In actuality,

I realized I had a speech filter issue after my boss said "Good morning Wally" and apparently I said "Sure, I'd love to sleep with you". There were other incidents.

Lindsey erupted into a laughter frenzy after witnessing her friend, Molly, crash and burn on the go-ped while attempting to impress with "stealth" and swift moves. What a wipe out

Pop Quiz: You're doing about 45 and the light turns yellow. There may or may not be a large ditch on your left. Do you: A) slow down; B) speed up; or C)

"I'm dreaming of a bloody Christmas with every suicide note I write. May your days be scary with plight and may all your Christmases be trite." "Hey, good one, my turn, my turn!"

"...Next!" "My name is Ozymandias, King of Kings: Look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!" "Not on the guest list, back of the line! Next!" "I am Arthur! King of the Britons!"

U.S.-Pakistan relations reached the nadir of absurdity this week when it was revealed that 5000 American ex-pats in Pakistan were in the streets protesting the American TV show

Except for his wrist watch, he was naked in the Bellagio fountains. He was sitting on one of the water canons counting the seconds until the next show. What he didn't realize was

Vanessa Conquest's fingers fluttered like french fries in a bingo hopper. Her husband and her boy-toy were both missing, and she didn't want the police involved. The scent of money

Her eyes lit up as she unwrapped the cologne. "Oh, Roger!" But a few spritzes left her speechless. It smelled like kerosene with a top note of flea spray. She tried to maintain

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