I realized I might have been connecting the dots wrong, so I checked myself into the Bastille to stew in my paranoia. Luckily they had a dank, dark cell on the lowest level, where

I pulled up to Lunar Outpost 43, spent and filthy. "Lemme get 2 proteins, a carbo, and a double rehydrated Absinthe." I turned to the Martian next to me. "Looong day." It

Here's the thing: I'm only human. On top of that I'm a dude, so I'm only a MALE human. You people have got to lower your expectations a few notches. I mean, if you're going to

a little man was walking down the street, he noticed something at the corner of his eye. when he turned, there was nothing in sight. he kept walking. then he felt something touch

It's not what it looks like I said as my sister walked into my room.I was just...

"Now, eyes focused on me. Keep your ams out from your sides as far as you can. The rope is right in front of you. Take it easy. Breathe. I said DON'T LOOK DOWN!"

Epic Rap Battle David Lynch versus Edward Cullen. DL: "I've got damn good rhymes to lay the stakes in a pinch / So watch out motherfucker, you're about to get Lynched!"

i was at the store and

Nothing like the smell of a corpse fire in the morning. Sure, Tom had seen better days, a few of them in bed with my wife, but that's why he's pantsless in a firepit. His big red

There's a man goin' 'round takin' names, and he decides who to free and who to blame. Everybody won't be treated all the same. There'll be a golden ladder reachin' down, when the

She was pissed off and really needed a cigarrette but it was her last one.Chris couldn't decide either to save it for later or to burn the thing right now.Fights about money drove

I met a girl who had some extraordinary pets. Her blue dragon, purple frog and pack of rainbow coloured alpacas were among the few that lived in the front room. Her favourite pet,

This is me talking to you and trying,just trying to pull out something similar to an emotion.Even a word,tear or sigh,any kind of reaction to let me know you're not made of stone!

i got off the bus, and started walking to my house. It was extra hot today, and i was sweating alot. i got the mail and went inside. "I have to do my chores" i said with a sad sigh

In a not-so-distant kingdom, there lived a king and his subjects. He liked history and biology, but peasants were good too. Everything was peaceful until one day, when

He jumped off the 18th floor but on his way down he was accidentally shot by an old man who was threatening his wife with a shotgun. The old man thought the gun was not loaded but

Edna St.Vincent Millay was quoted today: Gently they go, the beautiful, the tender, the kind; Quietly they go, the intelligent, the witty, the brave. I know. But I do not approve..

To: "Nick Robertson" <nrobertson@accounting.HRG.com> Subject: C'mon man Body Text: Hey Nick, Look I know you've been out sick for a while but I really need those TPS reports. -Bob

"Jean Luc Picard. Jean Luc. Everybody just loves that bald old jerk." Number 1 was stewing on the holo-deck. He'd conjured up a chevy impala and was speeding and shifting gears

I imagined the table to be like a giant rectangle alien. It was a flat hard alien from a planet of table legs. Then my client wept. The judge spoke. Stupid judge, always ruining