She was dripping with sarcasm, fragrant oils and very little else. It was how he liked to see his girlfriend, but she would do for the night instead. If his clothes had been

"The Commisar's in town," someone whispered. Don't turn around he thought. Just keep pushing this wheel barrel full of Mighty Putty to the bus stop. If he can was it up

The drug cartel has shot up like a weed. Grown beyond his wildest dreams. They were now the government of Mexico, calling the shots. He finally could make

He found this pervert in a chatroom by posing as a 12 year old boy. The guy didn't know he was a cop. But on his way to make the arrest, he looked in the mirror, "Holy shit I am

According to the manual, it was very important to place the mattress on the slats evenly; but where were the instructions on what to do if you caught your wife being a whore on it

Everyone said, "No!" but he marched into the recording studio. Production came to a halt. That bastard took off his headphones and said, "What's up?" Then Ted Nugent raised a bow

Her parents worked from dawn until dusk. Her mother went to mass everyday. All the money they had thrown at her could not change the simple fact: she was a monster that could

Too many hours online had begun to take their toll on him. His obsessive gazing of 4chan & internet memes had reduced his once vast vocabulary to that of a LOLcat. "Ohai!" he said,

Though his birth name was Herbert, the neighborhood kids had turned to calling him "Old and Crusty" - A name he likely deserved from his habit of

Bahumbug! Uttered the Santa suit wearing 3-toed sloth... Or so I thought it was a sloth in my current state. It was actually my mildly drunk and slightly high uncle Andy who

The doorbell rang. She rocketed up from seven layers of sleep, confused; No one had this address. "Ma'am, we're digging a ditch across your driveway. If you want out, you'll need

He howled. He flung the grenades. Heaved up to AK's under each arm. They bucked his arms like dogs fighting. He ran right into the halos of smoke, blood and gristle. He kicked

The plastic Easter egg seemed like as good a place as any to hide the power of creation. He couldn't take it into the crack house with him, could he? He tucked it into a hole in

It wasn't any fun for me bursting out of her belly. It ticks me off. There's always sympathy for the human growing pod, but none for the alien spawn. What's up with that?

The tornado touched down on his car. He blacked out. When he woke up he was in a giant cave. Glistening rocks moved around him. Something slimy oozed across his windshield.

"Snap." The pencil tip broke. She clicked to bring down more lead. "Snap." She cursed under breath. "Hold on," she muttered into the phone. "I'll be

They sat in the car, listening to the murder happening inside. They were supposed to be observers, but Trent's training could not mask words his father had drilled into his head:

The terrible green snake darted forwards with impossible speed. The frightened girl squeezed her eyes shut. She heard the most sickening

'Where to sir?'. 'We'll be meeting some fine gentlemen at the lunar station of Parsan mr. Delhi.' 'yes sir! we have a business transaction than sir?'. 'Yes we do mate, a promising

I always wanted to be a spy. I got one chance. This is a story of my first mission...