"Congratulations Ma'am on becoming 120. Can you share the secret of your old age?" "That's easy. Avoid death." "Could you um.. elaborate?" "When he visits the home, I'm not here."

Two young cowboys went riding out one dark & windy day. Upon a ridge they rested as they went up on their way. When all at once a mighty herd of red eyed sheep they saw

Al reviewed the year's results. Screen time:Reading, Goal 1:1. Result 6:1. Percent calories from protein, fat, carbs, Goal 20/40/40, Result 10/60/30. Hours of sleep per night, Goal

He grew even more concerned that the schizophrenia was back when the strong aroma of asparagus pee wafted up from the bowl. He hated asparagus. He looked around. "Hello?"

Archipelago. Hot as hell. He hated this poisonous tail of islands. But he was a war criminal. His tale was from a time before the world had come to its senses.

On Valentine's Day 2013 at the Robot Restaurant in Harbin, China, IBM's Watson and Cleverbot celebrated their secret anniversary. Later they wandered through the Ice Festival's

In 2024 McDonalds finally gave in and refused to actually put ANYTHING of nutritional value in their food - meat was replaced with edible plastic, soda was actually a long-chain

The Ducks of Al-Hazred had once been ordinary fowl, but, having read from the gibbering madness written by the author of the Quackronomicon, what sanity they had went the way of

He placed the stranger's child right next to the folding star in the swimming pool library, hoping some thieving boy would not steal cast a spell upon him. The line of beauty, he

"Good evening ladies and gentlemen this is a final boarding call for Mr Al Kyder travelling to the Cocos Islands with Small Seats Airlines for flight SSA83089 at gate no. 22

Omni schmeetna, dos brooach peevno. Calenti opposum snided crass fwatt-twats. "Vo inc ra meatta?" Calenti russed. "No," replied Thelma. "There is no way I'm gonna do that."

Aunt Valetta paused from her squirrel ironing and her lip curled in disdain at Pa's offering. "Road kill don't make for good coats! I got my pride!" Her fur coat business

He was 6' 4", 240, and wore a lot of flannel. Drank whiskey like water and killed all his own meat. Was apolitical but felt passionately that Jacob was Bella's true soulmate. When

Shiva was a god who really like dancing I have been a rare goddess that he has not been romancing

"What's this?" Dr. Foldenstein cackled. "A new fold! Freshly unfurled this morning. Mmmm this one shows promise. No telling where it could go. Perhaps this calls for a

"Um...cherry?" Jeff guessed. "Nope. Peach. Now my turn." I closed my eyes & stuck out my tongue. Jeff put one in my mouth & I sucked. "Black licorice." I said. "Still my turn."

The 1 phrase of Flemish my boyfriend knew was: "You have beautiful breasts." I didn't ask how he'd picked that one up. My phrase was "2 hundred grams of Emmenthal, please."

Every morning she caked herself in foundation and proceeded to douse herself in cheap perfume just to hide who she was, but even with that, she couldn't cover it up.

Dear God, please allow my sister's next child to be stillborn so that my family can afford to pay the mortgage this month. If the bank forecloses, we'll be shot by wannabe-Crips, &

When I walked into the kitchen I found a box of cereal laying on its side open with Crunchy Flakes scattered all over the tiled floor. I heard a soft rumbling noise from the