Patient #zero came into the ER today, again, spitting up random universes and stray alien civilizations the size of a dog's head. We're still trying to find out which dog it is.

With tomorrow being Valentine’s Day, that little zig-zag shirt wearing blockhead of a kid, will surely receive a big, heart shaped box of rocks from his so called friends, who

Burt Sterling put on his smoking jacket and lit a cigar. A man-about-town, raconteur, suave and dashing, he had everything girl could want - except money. He needed it right now

Be careful what you wish for, for instance; don’t fold souls into inanimate objects of papery wrath.

Ten years ago today, I went on a cruise to...

A priest, a rabbi and a yogi walk into

I am absolutely, positively, 100%-sure I saw an alien last night. No animal could crouch and feast on a human body like that. Oddly, it smiled at me when I flipped on the

"Crispy and delicious long pig!" the signs read. You couldn't get it everywhere I was told. Only a few small spots in back alleys served it, but then human flesh was was an

That commercial on TV has it all wrong. The best part of waking up is

There is no such thing as chaos, only looking too closely at order. When you pull away and see the symmetry of the big picture, tiny rippled just become part of one big ocean.

He loosened the screws on the front tire until the nuts almost fell off. That's when Frankie came out. He jumped on the bike. He said, "Frankie, pop a wheely!" Frankie rode hard

Unaffected by the screams, he proceeded to walk over the groaning, angry corpses, bound together by duct tape and hemp. Those that baked in the sun felt leathery beneath his toes

Lights danced in his eyes. That's not where they were accustomed to dancing and in point of fact, were a little uncomfortable there with all of the dewy innocence. Nevertheless,

Alien abductions are the worst. It's not just the experimentation, severing, stitching, and anal probing. Sure those things really suck and all. But what's with the elevator music

Finally Anthony Bourdain was able to ditch the film crew. Sweat poured like melted candle wax. He needed to score, like yesterday. Thank god this was Bangkok. An old woman shouted

"Hold the needle still and pass the thread through the eye," she instructed. But the only thing I could see was the fetid layers of breath that settled around me like a dense fog.

Sadie cried. Soft, small tears fell onto her arm warming the skin. She never cried for long, only out of necessity.

What has its got in its pocketses, asked Gollum. Nothing, answered the Hobbit. I am just happy to see you. Sorry, Gollum replied, I don't swing that way. Despondent, Bilbo

Land, ho, cried the pirate. But the flying prostitute paid no mind. She wanted a way out of her life, and only Richard Gere could provide it. Gere captained the tug, and was

Marcy couldn't stop thinking about how she'd deceived thousands of people. They trusted her, but she'd mislead them all and had to disconnect before she felt even worse. The worst