It was dark, I could hear them outside, but I didn't want to move in case they heard me.

The cat tinkled the keys with an air of grace, as the little girl danced.

"I'm mad, I am," he declared, quite soberly. "Now you can't trust my word, and my will will be nullified!" He gave a high-pitched cackle, then a calm and refined sip of tea.

Vel'drav Usstan zhahus natha lotha zaphodiop lu' l' sssiks zhahus aluin harl, Usstan orn'la veldri harl ussta orlingg dal vel'bol Usstan ssiggrin Usstan xunus kyorl.

"I beleive its time to go Eric" Jason whispered "I've overstayed my welcome." Looking back at the crowd of angry brawlers Jason slowly moved towards the door when Eric walked up to

The McGriddle said to the McDonald's employee, "I am evil."

All that was left was to think of a catchy band name. Crab Rangoon was bandied about, but ultimately discarded. Lenny suggested Feta-ed Fetid Fetus (he always had to get cheese

I am so happy i am not a freshmen this year :)

Otis wasn't afraid of death, it was the chance of waking up afterwards, in a moldy coffin 6 feet under, or worse - in the cremation chamber. His will stipulated that when he died

Mental Syrup? Not in my Tardis!

I went for a walk this morning. The air was crisp and bright and 36 degrees. The upper layer of soil had lifted due to the frost. My steps crushed the soil with a crunching sound.

The Syder's of Hanover Cheddar Cheese Pretzel Sandwiches were all gone. Oglaf.com would not load for some mysterious reason. Worst of all, his desire to finally lay to rest his

Hola, me llamo Juanito.

Another Wright Brother, Hiram, put off by the fame of his airborne brothers, became a mining engineer specializing in the drilling of anthracite coal seams, bitumenous on Sundays.

She deeply loved him and respected him. It was undying romantic devotion. It was because he was rich.

The zombie apocalypse came, as many dreaded it would - but not to humanity. Proving that either there was no God - or that he existed and had a twisted sense of humor - squirrels

It was the day my grandmother exploded. "She'd eaten a horse ofcourse." My brother tried hiding the shock with jocularity. The coroner tersely noted "Equus Consumptio Petomanus."

Stories just don't start this way.

The Mandible of the Apocalypse was forlorn. It lacked a soul-mate with which to conduct appropriate mandibular activities. The Mandible gnashed silently. The gears of the metacosm

"so, any last remarks, Bieber?" "No, Sir" The disgrace was now hanging by a thread looped around his big toe. Below him, was the Japanese volcano Sacwanjoho. "So, bieber, any idea