"I'm mad, I am," he declared, quite soberly.

"I'm mad, I am," he declared, quite soberly. "Now you can't trust my word, and my will will be nullified!" He gave a high-pitched cackle, then a calm and refined sip of tea.

Then I said, uhmmm actually when you signed the will you weren't mad. Now that you are mad you cannot dissolve the will because you do not have mental capacity to do so. He sipped

his neat scotch and gave me a gleeful look. Checkmate. My thimble collection - the pride of Truth or Consequences New Mexico - as soon s the hemlock tea ended my life. Pinned,

I couldn't reach for my boot-knife, but I spied across the room a glint of light reflecting from a sharp piece of glass wedged into the floorboards. I surreptitiously strained to

uplift the planks & withdraw one of my DVD collection. I was scared that people would find out I preferred to watch with subtitles on, despite the fact I was not hearing impaired.

I just like to multitask: watch the movie, hear the actors speak, read the subtitles. And of course check for any mistakes the subtitlerists might have made. To find a mistake is

part of my data collection. The title of my dissertation is "Interaction Effects of Cinematic Viewing, Listening, and Error Detection:A Systems Approach." Mistakes in subtitles are

due to everyone making it up. For my PhD I will study the effects of popcorn flavouring and film violence using in-movie MRI scanners and internal probes. Next I will research

flight patterns of removed and discarded stripper clothing. Does it matter if I'm wasted or not? Do blondes differ from brunettes? My initial examination of real vs. fake breasts

required a brandy snifter, a wine decanter, and a cocktail shaker. I placed the breasts in piles according to which vessel they fit in. Just another day at the office.