The barbells were cluttered across the floor like tiny monuments to the death of his physique. Once upon a time he'd been hot as hell. Women's fingers played across his rippling ab

Today was the day. Today, I was going to be able to prove myself to everyone in the village. Always mocking me, Tim was going to learn today, who I am, and why one should not mess

I'd had a pretty good life scamming rich lonely widows at their estate sales. Things took a turn for the worse when I met that grey panther Ethel Mitallenwasser.

"Shirley, you can't be serious" he told Shirley. "I am serious, but..." Shirley paused. "I got nothing." He laughed and kissed her full on the mouth. She grabbed the riding crop

Before helga met Pierre, she had been content to tend her Holsteins in Alpine Meadows. But when the bereted Frenchman walked into her meadow, everything changed.

Luigi stood over Mario's bloody body. No longer would Luigi take a backseat to his portly brother. Now he had to hide the the body and the evidence. All of a sudden Wario walked in

Giant yellow letters surrounded in an angry red circle reflected onto his face, distorting his intent with a hateful hue. He'd meant for the look to be humorously scornful, but

"It's our newest size, the Trenta!" the Starbucks barrista said with a flourish as he displayed the cup. Old news, I thought. I read my BoingBoing and heard about it last week.

This story will end after 10 lines. OK, Now what? Who's going to tell me what to write next? Why did my teacher have to require me sing up for this humiliation? I can Sign a Check!

Left Munich at 8.35 p.m. on 1st May, arriving at Vienna early next morning; should have arrived at 6.46, but train was an hour late. Buda-Pesth seems a wonderful place, from the

Static had enveloped him. Though in a room full of his peers, all he heard was silence. He was staring... staring at the furry menace attached to one of them. It was too late

Belated birthdays were his way of saying that he liked you, but passive aggressively wasn't really interested in carrying the friendship forward to the next birthday. Also, farting

The server logs confirmed that the file had been downloaded from his IP address and using his ID, but he denied any involvement. I thought about '24' as I called the boss to

Opening the book, I saw a piece of paper flutter to the ground. It was the odd, but familiar, markings that caught my eye. I reached down and picked it up. Sure enough, it was

"Nothing like this ever ends well," she said, holding onto my arm. I squeezed her hand. "Maybe this will be different," I answered, but I knew

Jeremiah was stunned. Here he was, drinking his coffee and reading the morning paper, when his wife has the audacity to tase him. Sliding to the floor as his cup shattered, he..

It was a big room and the most deadliest 12 men in the world were gavered round the table "gentlemen, today we are here to discuss our revenge on

Bruce Hammersnatch always played by the rules. Always. Today would be no different.

like the regents of the outer worlds, he took time off to attend a molecular cruiser races. He hid the bitter regret proper to his station in life when his cruiser mowed down the

"This was more fun than pop rocks and soda pop," he thought as he strolled back up the line of nervous applicants. "7 was a lucky number, right?" he thought, savoring the quiet