"Why haven't you started potty training them yet?" asked the grandmother, seeming confused and almost a little angry. "Well, they just don't seem ready yet." replied the man.

The following is a list of those poor mascots who perished at the hands of the cereal killer last summer: Crunchy Giraffe, Chocolate Cobra, The Marshmallow Maniac, Sugary Nelson,

She had painted her fingernails a pale shade of purple, and was now moving onto her toes.

Vern the Amish guy had a duck growing out of his side and liked to lawn bowl nude with his uncle. I first met Vern back in

Suddenly out of the mist I saw it. A giant goat clad in golden armour. I knelt before it and said

At the same time I was anxious for the party but a little depressed. Although Kyra have invited me to lunch at her mother's place, was not very willing to participate in social

Hello! My name is Taipan and I am a Siamese cat rescued froma sewer. My human, Tom, tells me I neverstop talking, but he has finally found his BFF for life. We are both happy!

This was my fourth time trying to make the jump. I knew I could do it this time, I got a running start and jumped into the air. The first thing that crossed my mind when I realized

He was a gangly guy, a nipple-ripper alright, with an eye for the ladies and a taste for whiskey. Boasting a purple velvet vest, he zig-zagged into the room, smelling of ambergris.

This is a test

Heyman Boyd mused as the shuttle transited a dark matter tendril to another venue in the galactic mesh. "The words of the microflora are written on the ..." Meat travelers were mo

I've got it: "Suddenly and for no apparent reason, a troop of mutant clowns with Viagra-cream pies shows up on a stolen flatulence powered amphibious ATV." Another perfect fold!

She told everybody her name was Ma Bell, but who knew if that was true or not? Out in the wasteland it didn't matter what you called yourself, as long as you pulled your weight.

I thought our love would last forever...Instead I got what felt like the reality check of the century

My uncle was obsequious, purple & clairvoyant, pompous, obese & ate cactus, dull, boring & omnipresent & criticized things he didn't know about. "He needs his knees removed!" said

Amanda Widdershins looked around at her new apartment: modern, reasonably well made, good view of the city lights, but sterile somehow compared to the farmhouse she had sold. She

"Feather me this, feather me that. The feather weaver has got your back," the madman chuckled, his arms frollicking and his eyebrows dancing. There were feathers... everywhere.

We'd watched Stripes, Full Metal Jacket, crushed a few too many beers & put in work on a handle of Jack. I said "Seriously; don't do it. Canada has free health care & nice breezes.

Why is it that when the first thing we want to learn in a foreign language is new swear words? You travel & can't ask for directions but can call people mofos?

I live in a world where the sun and the moon race each other for the happiness humanity. Yesterday for the first time in a while the moon shined so bright that darkness was jealous