Someone once told him he looked like Haggar

Someone once told him he looked like Haggar and one day he looked into a window at Bloomingdale's and he saw himself- he really saw himself apparently for the first time...

that some day in the future. He didn't want to be rude or fat, but damn, that was a lot to change. Tomorrow he thought. Simon was also two-dimensional which meant that

he only had length & width, but no depth. Like a piece of paper, ignoring the fact that a piece of paper does actually have depth, just not very much. So Simon had less depth than

that. In fact he was so thin you could see through him like tracing paper. That's how he got a job as an anatomy chart at the Mayo clinic. They used him for instructing interns &

getting coffee & shit like that. I've seen those doctors beat his ass with their Stethoscopes like something straight outta' Rambo. I'm sayin' this kid was SKINNY. I said to him

"Hey, Skinny." And he was like, "Hey" And I was like, "Skinny jeans?" And he was like, "Yeah" Then he paid for his Starbucks and I never saw him again. Well, boing storytime is ove

r." Marsha glared at me over her latte moustache. "And you just let Mister Skinny Jeans go?" I looked away. I preferred the desert of loneliness. And guys with leg muscles. My fr

ying pan had more sizzle in it than my love life.True, I liked muscular men, but in order for me to attract them, I had to bulk up myself. Man-o-Man Gym was the place I finally met

some vain, self-important alpha male who would only reciprocate for my body until something fresher came along, and he pulled the "I can only love women" card on me months after.