"Don't try this at home," he thought as he

"Don't try this at home," he thought as he stuffed her corpse full of dynamite. He thought of having the fuse come out her vagina or ass, but that was too obvious. No, he would

use the ol' nipple ignition switch technique his mom taught him back in the 8th grade. At the time, he resented her for stealing his childhood. But these days, he knew better as

every one night stand ended the same way at precisely 3:34 am. He crept in with a pan of ice cold water and laid it on a pillow just above her head. Then he grabbed her nipples and

began milking the cow as if his life depended on it -- because it did. The mobster holding the gun to the farmer's head wanted

egg nog, and he wanted it NOW!

He reached for the glass and had second thoughts. No need for formalities, he thought, and then chugged right from the top of the bottle. She gasped at the sight. He just laughed.

"You think you're better than everyone else, don't you, Ellse?" She gave him a disdainful look. "Of course not. But you've just destroyed the evidence." She pointed to the bottle.

Gripping the bottle by its neck, he smashed it against the ground & swung at Ellse with the freshly jagged end. She recoiled, but the crude weapon nicked her

pristine beehive hairdo. Ellse glared at him. "I was at the salon for 2 hours today!" He opened his mouth for a punny retort, but since he wasn't OldestLiving, he was speechless.