Dear Abby, I am writing to ask about my husband's

Dear Abby, I am writing to ask about my husband's fetish. He likes to have me put on heels and a chimp mask, and call him Cornelius. What does it mean? Sincerely, LessThanZira

"LessThanZira" was the name Abby's daughter used when she wrote in for advice. Abby's daughter was raised in a perfect house, with perfect meals, and a Mother with perfect advice

like, "don't take no wooden nickels" and "don't sleep in the subway". She also sang these advices on a local radio talent show contest. Abby's fighter was so proud and

decided to buy her a gift. She'd always stay safe with this in her handbag. A battery operated

Vibrophaser. Starfleets newest issue for the space fleet. A combination personal gratification enhancer and weapon. Proper aim is difficult when in vibrate mode. It cut a jagged

line in my ceiling the first time I tried it but the Vibrophaser was all the rage with the female cadets in the farther moon orbits. Starfleet command noted that productivity drop

ped dramatically not long after it's introduction, but couldn't pinpoint the source and phased out the recently introduced spandex uniforms. Vibrophaser sex holodeck parties

were actually regarded as the norm, and especially vital for those long voyages into deep space with just the same old crew of flunkies and self-important bridge officers. A new

The band was playing a cover of "Afternoon Delight." Sadly, due to a glitch in the system, the crew had to listen to it in stasis on repeat for 15 years. Sky rockets in flight...