You have freed the Horses Of Yon, beaten

You have freed the Horses Of Yon, beaten the Middle-Epoch Ogre and Destroyed the Robed Witch, you have earned the prize, here are the Golden Big Boy Pants.

Will gingerly took the downy shimmering Big Boy Pants from the Maid & shimmied into them. The love pump had worked. The Manga cafe gold prize clung to his "Big Boys". He pranced

and sauntered about the space paying no heed to the recalcitrant panda watching every step from the window. The panda shouldered his M-24 and let one slip, Will shit himself.

That's right. Both the panda and my friend Will simultaneously defecated. That's how they found out they were identical twins separated by 0.05% DNA differences. Except for the

I decided he was, and flipped to page 27 of the adventure book: "Will unzipped his panda suit, sucking you into the Fall of Despair." I chose wrong. Back to page

16. It was six hours already and I hadn't gotten anywhere; in a fit of frustration I threw the book into the fireplace. I unzipped my panda suit and stepped into the hot tub. If

the ancestral eucalyptus boughs steeping in the hot tub had been properly cultivated, I would be golden. 17. For hours I only felt decongested, then sigils flew out and I emerged,

fragrantly ethereal in my golden skin. 18. A soft southern breeze whispered over my puckered nipples, finalizing my transformation. 19. I sneezed one last time before I carried the

wayward son home. Lay your weary head to rest. Don't you cry no more. 20. I lifted my arms and flew far, far away, a golden star, to beyond the heavens. 20. Home.