Did you know sunflowers used to be able to

Did you know sunflowers used to be able to walk? But people kept killing them for sport so eventually they just stopped. And now they are rooted to the ground like regular

At sunset the sunflower massacre stopped. James threw his rifle to the ground and walked through the devastated field of shredded stalks & decapitated flowers. Oh the humanity!

Before darkness fell, James looked back at the devastated sunflower field one last time. He'd destroyed whole species before, too, but the sunflowers made him feel something he had

never felt before. They were just so, innocent. He shook his head and turned away. The darkness enveloped the world.

When the lunar eclipse passed and the sun came back out it felt like a new day. A new life. A new beginning. The first day of the rest of my life. I asked a stranger: "What shall I

do today, on this fresh first day of my new life?" The stranger, smiling, plunged a knife into my belly. My guts fell out, and with them, my life. Ghostly, I redefined the meaning

of the saying "love at first sight", quickly documenting my interpretation on my phone with Google Keep as I bled out, asking the stranger if they could submit it to urban dictiona

ry. "Sure," the stranger shrugged, walking away as I lay there. My sight was growing dim. My life passed before my eyes. I quickly said the 23rd Psalm. I had but one regret:

That I would never get to meet Nicholas Cage. That dashing, honorable, beast of a man.