"WHY GOD WHY?" Little Jerry whailed as the

"WHY GOD WHY?" Little Jerry whailed as the realization set in. He was wrong. Dead wrong. There IS reincarnation and he is now a burka wearing lesbian married to a

poor cousin of the Grand Ayatollah; his third wife. There might be an upside, but Little Jerry was having a hard time seeing it. Of course, if he could reincarnate once,

but being of a scatological nature he opted for the dung beatle: He said the magic words "Whats brown and sounds like a bell" and presto he turned into a six-legged drummer with

a Warrant shirt. The lead singer came up and said, "Woah. I'm so s-faced you look like you have six legs!" Then he grabbed the singer's head and wiped all over his 34 Tom drum kit

ten. He liked to use cat skins on his drums. They seemed to stretch tighter with less effort. It didn't matter to him that no one wanted to see him play. Maybe if he cleaned them

of the bits of whisker and still-attached tails... No matter, wretched nastiness should not stop us from the pursuit of art, just look at Mama Cass. The drums were highly refined

drums, refined highly in a refinery high in the Italian Alps. The particular Italian refinery capable of so highly refining such drums is not

accessible to noisy tourists, not even to drum tourists like Mickey Hart, nor is the Altofina Drum Refinery listed in the Michelin Guide or Zagat's -- but one intrepid rhythmatist

--- sorry, numistatist -- decided to pay for the drumming venture all in wheathead pennies. The desk clerk proceeded to quit in a huff.