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Are we truly alone in the universe? This

  • Are we truly alone in the universe? This was a question I was never forced to confront until tonight... This wasn't just news; This changed everything...

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  • The theater of lights and vibration that opened in the sky mesmerized everyone. Those inside were drawn out by the low hum that preceded the message. They weren't aliens. They

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  • were producers of infomercials. They smelled of peppermint and axle grease. They had a new product this time. A product that would win the hearts of

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  • the weak and timid. It was a strange drink but with magical powers.

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  • Most eschewed it, however, due to bad taste (theirs, not the drink's), bad smells (okay: it did smell like dried vomit), and bad luck. My bad luck. If someone didn't drink this

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  • smelly concoction of purple passion, banana schnapps, rum, cranberry juice, and southern comfort (a real drink from a fabulous gay bar dive in Muncie, IN), I would simply run afoul

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  • of the bartenders union, so

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  • in the end it didn't really matter, because nobody actually gave a rat's ass about them or their union. What people DID care about, though, was the big-bosomed waitress with

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  • the ability to lead them in worship of Cowboy TV! She started off the chant, "Cowboy TV, we love

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  • love thee. She was a Quaker woman, and as the elders of her church are wont to do, clung to the old fashioned pronouns of thee and thou.

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