Are we truly alone in the universe? This

Are we truly alone in the universe? This was a question I was never forced to confront until tonight... This wasn't just news; This changed everything...

The theater of lights and vibration that opened in the sky mesmerized everyone. Those inside were drawn out by the low hum that preceded the message. They weren't aliens. They

were producers of infomercials. They smelled of peppermint and axle grease. They had a new product this time. A product that would win the hearts of

the weak and timid. It was a strange drink but with magical powers.

Most eschewed it, however, due to bad taste (theirs, not the drink's), bad smells (okay: it did smell like dried vomit), and bad luck. My bad luck. If someone didn't drink this

smelly concoction of purple passion, banana schnapps, rum, cranberry juice, and southern comfort (a real drink from a fabulous gay bar dive in Muncie, IN), I would simply run afoul

of the bartenders union, so

in the end it didn't really matter, because nobody actually gave a rat's ass about them or their union. What people DID care about, though, was the big-bosomed waitress with

love thee. She was a Quaker woman, and as the elders of her church are wont to do, clung to the old fashioned pronouns of thee and thou.