One time I forced a poop and this first attempt

One time I forced a poop and this first attempt to "rush the kids in the pool" Ended with a "ahh Hnnn" POOT POOT schlllltPLOP wipe. This new found despotism of time now allows me

meditate in peace, no longer distracted by the urges of my bowels. Plus, being able to stop and start time at will, my tea never grows cold when I read. I do admit that it would

be cooler if I could fly. Don't get me wrong, the power to stop time is better than no power at all, but it isn't flying. If I could fly, then I could really scare the crap out of

penguins, who bet me $20 that they'd be able to fly before me. But, alas, I can only stop time. At least I have as long as I need to imagine cool powers. I could fry penguins with

that Bisquik batter box that's been sitting on the shelf for ages. I looked online for the best fried penguin-parts recipe, and I couldnt even find 1?! So, I improvised. I started

by cracking a couple of eggs in a bowl just like you do with chicken then I salt and peppered the crap out of that bird. WAIT, what is that I started to think that my parts weren't

How horribly wrong I was. The penguin jerky market had been saturated thanks to the devious marketing department at Jack Links. Their spies are everywhere! Discouraged, I embarked

on another gourmet snack idea: whale blubber rinds. Sold 'em on the black market in burlap bags smuggled into the states by the Antarctic Cartel. Millions...I sold millions...until

there were no more whales. I realized that I had single-handedly destroyed the entire ecosystem. I just stood, pondering what I had done for a long moment... "Cool!"