Helicopter Mummy kept her children on track.

  • Helicopter Mummy kept her children on track. Surely three minutes on the swingset would be enough for 8-yr-old Jeff to register that memory. His future in Tana-leave cultivation de

  • demanded that he experience at least some time on the playground. Jeff, on the other hand, didn't much care for swing sets or slides. He just simply wanted to

  • run around recklessly, ramming his head into solid objects. His favorite was the grille of Principal Angry Elk's Cadillac. Despite his name, the schoolmaster was a patient and

  • everyone knew the story. It was no secret that the schoolmaster spent six months at a nearby sanitarium after an embarrassing episode that left him with a pair of horns attached to

  • his 1975 Mercury that played la cucaracha for minutes on end. At the drive-through, the burger hooligans reached in and activated its siren song, attracting a dance fiesta that

  • caused even the cockroaches to gyrate their thoraxes in rhythm with it's intoxicating beat, causing the drive-in chef to spray the burgers down with Raid. Brenda the car-hop sang

  • along, oblivious to the now-poisoned burgers. The customers' heads bobbed along as they ate their Raid-soaked meals. A greedy doctor nearby suddenly smiled, but he didn't know why.

  • Nor did the greedy doctor. Unlike the doctor, though, he could do something about it and chose not to. When the Raid-soaked meals turned out to be too mindblowing for Prime TIme he

  • returned to his origins, back to the mockingbirds, woodpeckers, spiders, and snakes, making sure to propagate the disease everywhere. He was sure life would soon be back to normal.

  • And that my friend is how I met a koala, with whom I enjoyed some koala tea time (it was eucalyptus flavored!) (the tea not the koala) (well actually both) (I didn't eat the koala)



  1. Jimbeau May 19 2020 @ 22:09

    ...and this is why you don't take children to the playground during a pandemic.

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