"One man's junk is another man's pacifier,"

"One man's junk is another man's pacifier,"

I find antiques sooth me. I can spend hours browsing old license plates, oil cans, and Hummel figurines. I particularly like to lick the paint.

of old toy soldiers. So piquant--the taste of lead on my tongue. It reminds me of the tang of strychnine & ammonia in gin.A heady mix for an immortal, & quite the party trick too.

Being undead means winning every party dare. I swallowed the lead figurine. "Now I have roman plumbing" I joked. They laughed nervously. Let's play monster roulette" said Wolfman

Jack, voice as raucous as it was when he was alive. Despite groans, Jack spun a knucklebone, probably belonging to some missionary on the wheel. The nameless mummy reached out to

the corpse of Brett Somers. Gene Rayburn's reanimated body read the clue, as follows: "Dumb Dora was so dumb..." (silence from the dead audience) she put BLANK in her coffin." Eeri

cowboy, why don't you try that line up in Brixton's pubs with the Sailorboys. I hear they need a new bottom." The corpse of Brett Somers had a point. Betty White looked hot. Latex

ass-less chaps hugging her every curve, she walked through the western-style half doors with a flourish, hands on her side arms. "Gentlemen." She tipped the brim of her hat. "What

do you think of my ass? " She turned to show them, but...nothing. "Ma'am, I am sorry to tell you, but...YOU ARE ONLY A TORSO!"