It was dark at first. I had rehearsed so

It was dark at first. I had rehearsed so many times before what I would say in front of them. Them. Is that what they are now? I pushed the thought away and stepped out onto the

castle balcony to address the common pronouns: "Fie unto ye who'd turn ye's coats against mine empire." I said "fie" again and brought out the jester. Plebeians love a good juggle

r of words, especially if he worked in a tongue breaking dirty diddy, but the Royal Word Juggler's speech impediment caused a riot: for among the assembled pronouns were expletives

in reverse. He tried to crowd surf but just got gutter stomped instead. Broken and bloody he dragged himself over to a thin, hairless dog licking a ripped trashbag.

He recalled how he had started on the highway to vileness in his youth. He had been impressionable and his vile uncle Bob had inspired him. He'd said, "Travel the road of vileness

. Cackle menacingly. Take time to crush your enemies under your boots." My Uncle Bob would then pat me bruskly on the shoulder with his iron gauntlet. "Oh, and use sun-screen."

"And don't forget to wash behind your ears," cheerily said my mom, who was hiding an axe behind herself. "You know what happens when you don't do what mommy says. Are we clear?"

The girl huffed and sighed, "Yes I know momma, you like to get sexual with random men when I don't do what you say...oh wait nevermind, you still do it!" The mother whipped out her

antique medieval chastity belt & locked her daughter in. "It's for your own good, girl. You don't want to end up like your Momma." The girl then realized her mother's true love.