It was in the days of junkfood prohibition.

It was in the days of junkfood prohibition. Ed was crossing the canadian border with a duffle full of twinkies. A risky stage was the

the first roadblock. Ed just sat in his Pinto, and told the border agent "Nope, no Twinkies. I came to Windsor for the strippers, nope no Twinkies in this here duffle bag." The

border agent then demanded the trunk be opened, at which point he found 5 20-something boys in tight t-shirts and Guess jeans. "No Twinkies, but 5 twinks, I see." Damn, I had

got away with hiding my EPO. This year I'd decided I was going to win the Tour De France. I got on my bicycle and joined in the race whilst pumping EPO into my veins. Sponsors

are so stupid. I mean really dumb. All I did was chop up this yellow, rubber whale condom and put it on my wrist and the sponsor gave me money for a bicycle race. Haw, haw!

w toothpaste. I needed my teeth to be as yellow as my condoms were if I wanted to be the most impressive pirate on the block. So I sailed to the block party and

Put on a Donald Duck mask, pretending to know how to crack the enemy code. I somehow pulled it off, after three vessels sank. Using video games from 2016, I outsmarted my rivals.

Who knew sinking enemy ships using strategies from popular video games would be that easy? I handed my Donald Duck mask to the nearest pedestrian, after signing it, of course.

The pedestrian fainted, just having time to say, "Oh, what a guy!"; the Donald Duck mask slipped from her hands into the nearest gutter.