The Thompson Twins entered the strange telephone

The Thompson Twins entered the strange telephone booth. As soon as they closed the door sparks and tubes spun around. When they exited it was 2012 and they were

caught in the flabby folds of Pamela Anderson's love handles. The Thompson Twins struggled to free themselves and exit the time machine, but suddenly they were awestruck by the

wonder of the flying hovercraft and the skyscrapers practically kissing the stars outside the glass walls of the time machine. The Thompson Twins decided to stay in the future and

They came up with the most delightfully uninteresting droning screeches. The reptilian masses could often be heard imitating them while doing the only legal dance on their planet,

The foxtrot is isn't know for arousing passion or even desire. It's a slow elegant glide around a polished dancefloor and ideal for cold-blooded creatures on any planet you like.

Which is why, as I stared into the eyes of the most bizarre creature I'd ever seen. I pulled out my iPod, turned on Sinatra's "You Make Me Feel So Young" and reached out my arms to

give the creature a big hug. Turns out the Beast didn't like that and it turned to me

It was ready to rip through me like I was fresh butter and he was the sharpest knife.

Before it went any further though, I said it was knife to meet him, but I really had to be going home. "Butter luck next time," he said smoothly and gave me a pat on the back.