"It just won't budge!", the lieutenant said

"It just won't budge!", the lieutenant said to the corporal. "try more lube"

The corporal hadn't stopped eating Americone Dream since he was placed in the iron lung. Now his big butt was stuck. They tried sliding him out with butter, but he just ate

them all. That was his first taste of human flesh. They wouldn't realize until many years later at an all-girls two-week woodlands adventure camp that they had created a monster.

That summer of '89. He was striding into the dark forest with about a dozen girls, for camping and adventure, etc. Now if these girls were obese like modern ones, then he would

be able to mean to them and still get sexual favors. But these girls were post-modern obese chicks which made them Goth, since black is a slimming color, so he had to

watch Twilight and listen to emo music. It was denigrating. Plus, you ever have sex with a fat chick? It's actually really gross. Really, disgusting. Absolutely grotesque.

And the fact that I myself weight over 300 lb just made things worse. But losers cant's be chosers, and since that was the last time I got laid I now look back with very fond memor

now jogging through the park. It was, in fact, in the park where Jenny Craig discovered me.I became famous as her spokesmodel. I lost my excess weight, but also lost my sex drive.

Oh, hey look! There it is! Excuse me, I'm gonna need a minute here...