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Captain Lunchbox slipped into the boy's bathroom.

  • Captain Lunchbox slipped into the boy's bathroom. Quickly, he removed his junior high dress code-approved button-up and donned his beach towel cape. His OCD was acting up, and he

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  • opened and closed all of the bathroom stall doors six times. Captain Lunchbox added his favorite Nike shoes to finish his look and left to find The

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  • Urinal Cake of power. It eaten on a full moon the cake can give a man invincible restroom powers. Captain Lunchbox would be faster than a speeding

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  • turd, rocketing out the rectum of another unsuspecting traveler who tried the chef's special. Capt. Lunchbox ate the Urinal Cake of Power, not realizing that the Super Moon was out

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  • Capt. Lunchbox morphed into a steak pie with meat vision. He began uncontrollably vacuuming meat into his pastry body before exploding and showering the land in gravy

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  • The unwashed peasants were mortified. It was the third time this month. The wicked, legendary beast had to be killed once and for all. They grabbed their pitchforks.

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  • When our peasant mob arrived at the monster's lair, I jumped forward, but Old Fagan held me back. "Boy, that's no pitchfork, you's gots an ordinary fork there." I looked at my fork

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  • , then grinned back at Fagan. "You're wrong! It's a Swiss Army Fork!" I pressed a button on the handle, and all the tines sprang out into a variety of tools perfect for monster

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  • cuisine. "SO COOL!" Fagan grinned, toothlessly. "Let me see it, willya?" I was suspicious of Fagan's motives. He wasn't trustworthy. Snapping my Swiss Army Fork back in my pocket,

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  • I took a giant step backwards, then turned and ran for the hills. Glancing over my shoulder, I saw, sure enough, that Fagan was chasing me with murder in his eyes. But I got away.

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