Captain Lunchbox slipped into the boy's bathroom.

Captain Lunchbox slipped into the boy's bathroom. Quickly, he removed his junior high dress code-approved button-up and donned his beach towel cape. His OCD was acting up, and he

opened and closed all of the bathroom stall doors six times. Captain Lunchbox added his favorite Nike shoes to finish his look and left to find The

Urinal Cake of power. It eaten on a full moon the cake can give a man invincible restroom powers. Captain Lunchbox would be faster than a speeding

turd, rocketing out the rectum of another unsuspecting traveler who tried the chef's special. Capt. Lunchbox ate the Urinal Cake of Power, not realizing that the Super Moon was out

Capt. Lunchbox morphed into a steak pie with meat vision. He began uncontrollably vacuuming meat into his pastry body before exploding and showering the land in gravy

The unwashed peasants were mortified. It was the third time this month. The wicked, legendary beast had to be killed once and for all. They grabbed their pitchforks.

, then grinned back at Fagan. "You're wrong! It's a Swiss Army Fork!" I pressed a button on the handle, and all the tines sprang out into a variety of tools perfect for monster

cuisine. "SO COOL!" Fagan grinned, toothlessly. "Let me see it, willya?" I was suspicious of Fagan's motives. He wasn't trustworthy. Snapping my Swiss Army Fork back in my pocket,

I took a giant step backwards, then turned and ran for the hills. Glancing over my shoulder, I saw, sure enough, that Fagan was chasing me with murder in his eyes. But I got away.