I liked walking among the red maples. They

I liked walking among the red maples. They were tall. And red. And they made me feel at peace with the world. But while I was meandering, the earth split in two and swallowed me wh

en I tried to think happy thoughts. Down through the screaming blackness and rock cliffs I fell until I slammed into a huge dirt pile. Center of the earth. A little red goat

-boy greeted me. "HELL-ooooo!" GoatBoy bleated merrily. "Welcome to the center of the earrrrrrth! May I take your coat? Good, now let me show you to your suite." Well now, this was

surprise! and what lovely ferns! Who knew Hell could be so accommodating! GoatBoy opened the suite. "We just got WiFi installed, just don't ask about the temperature."

I entered. Torches burned on the walls of the basement apt. "Not musty at all" I commented. "We installed floor heating. Would you like to see the Sauna?" aske Goatboy. "Hell yes!

Despite the overwhelming stench of smoke I plugged my nose and went with it. The lethargic old man lead me downstairs. I took my shirt right off; Hungarian saunas were really hot

els for very large roaches! The steam was so thick I couldn't tell that the toweled form beside me was insectoid. Then it began to click, a horrible, echoing noise. Realizing the

Meanwhile one of them leapt from the shadows onto my leg. I screwed my eyes shut and shook the thing off. Suddenly I bolted awake and threw back the bed-sheets. Just. A. Dream.

I try to shake off this horrible experience but find my thoughts returning to it throughout the day and in the following weeks. Eventually the lack of sleep drives me insaaaaaaaaaa