I turned the channel and there was it was...an

I turned the channel and there was it was...an " art house" film. How could this be? I didn't order this, i thought to myself...strange...

but I watched it, of course. You don't look a gift film in the mouth, I always say. This one starred Dolly Parton, Pee Wee Herman and

was evidently filmed over a long weekend with a low pixel cellphone. The "camera man" must have suffered from Parkinson's disease. But still, Dolly and PeeWee

were clearly recognizable, she because of her prodigious pai pai and him because of his weeklong wanker. The National Enquirer was paying good money for material like this so I

even to outsource the useless bullshit phone tree to India, but this was cleverly disguised useless bullshit. This was the creme de la creme of useless bullshit because

it had such an appealing marketing campaign, that even the poor Indians living in a New Delhi slum, had waited for weeks at the door of the local Apple store. Braving the heat and

humidity to get their hands on the new Apple Ipad. People came from miles around to get one. (It's obvious that the only reason a person would spend their life savings on this

piece of trash was to conform to Steve Jobs' morally censuring thought police, lest their love for cartoon porn would get them sent to death camps. "You must obey me, Steve Jobs!"

And with that, Bill Gates waltzed out of the over-crowded Jacuzzi, budgie-smugglers in full glory. It was a day none of them would forget, and with an ass like that, who'd want to?