My stepdad's a real tosser. He used to ask

My stepdad's a real tosser. He used to ask me 'So, Tommy, on the whole, how many girls have you kissed?' and smirk to himself. He's most of the reason I bailed out at 14 and live

But his stepdad liked to catch the poop in a velcro wallet so the two of them went out into the backyard and

opened their wallets, waiting hopefully for the stinking packages to fall from the Heavens. They stood there silently for an hour or so, until their necks cramped. His stepdad shoo

k a can of coke and sprayed it in everybody's faces to get them out of their stupor. Disappointed and sticky, the crowd began to disperse. He was the only one left when the package

started ticking. The bomb squad had declared it a false alarm, but my instincts told me differently. The comedy club bombed? We needed to laugh and make fun of stupid things we

were forced to do behind the scenes at comedy central, but it wasn't a false alarm. It was a bad joke bomb! I tried to cover my ears but it was too late. I heard the first line, "

A priest,a rabbi and a duck went into a bar and the little boy peting the bulldog sitting at the hillbilly's feet said:-Knock,knock...

But no one was in the mood to laugh. Not after what happened. So we did what any other self-respecting Boy Scouts would do. We pretended we were normal and went on to the jamboree

although we stayed away from the scoutmasters' shelter None one took them up on their offer to check out their "big tent pole". Everyone, that is, except Dan. Oh, Dan!