It started to rain cats and dogs, and the

It started to rain cats and dogs, and the basement started to flood. As the water started to rise, my pet hamster, Wally, jumped in his toy 12 meter sailboat and began

wondering how we was going to survive the onslaught of feline and canine projectiles falling out of the sky. "My word, this is a most bizarre occurrence", thought the hamster.

He rode his flying pig to the frozen tundra of Hell to ask Satan for help. "Dark One, catdog rain is destroying Earth," said the hamster. "I know we have a... past..., but please

..please lucifer hamster. Thou hast bugged me with idle jibbah jabbah. Meet Macho Man in the firey pit for a stomp. After this commitment, you will earn my aknowlegment."

It was a strange prayer. Really strange, but I didn't make any face. I said, "Amen." After all, I was at her parents' house and I wanted to make a good impression. Her naked

dead uncle was the main course. He'd been nicely roasted, sprinkled with rosemary, an apple stuffed in his mouth. Dinner with my cannibal girlfriend's family certainly was

such a delightful occasion. I was so pleased when her parents asked me to join them again next time. Later she showed me her bedroom where she kept a collection of shrunken heads

of lettuce. Definitely the low point of the evening, although it may just have been a ploy to get me in private so that she could

discuss varieties of lettuce with me in a context where the tiresome lettuce fanaticisms of Earth would not come into play. Aside from this whole urgent concern, she might have

let us discuss lettuce if only she'd let us discuss lettuce in an orderly fashion out of doors in our swingset fort. But they simply would not let us lettuce.