"When you are all grown and live in a hut,

"When you are all grown and live in a hut, send me a photo of your baby's butt." Renowned archaeologist Kate Blech was astonished; the inscription was authentic, but Angkor Wat

had many other interesting artifacts with strange scrawls on them. There was a time she discovered a holy relic in the same river that contained writings translating to

stone tablets which showed that pinball machines were of ancient Sumerian origin. Now it was the end of the world. She redoubled her efforts to discover the first Pinball Wizard

it was the only way she'd be able to restart Earth's heartbeat. Skydiving out of a merchant plane, she landed in the approximate location where museum curators claimed it was taken

by an angry Liam Neeson stunt double, who'd scribbled a note on his complimentary airline napkin: "I don't know who you think you are, but if you don't stop, I will find you."

This scared me so much I became a cat named Susie. A tiger cat and one who never went outdoors except to eat grass. Knowing they never harassed cats like they do humans, I enjoyed

my feline privilege while it lasted. Eventually they tired of harassing the humans and ended up exterminating them. Then their attention fell upon us, the cats. I had my niche in

litter removal so I knew a lot of unsavory types in the underworld who owed me a favor. I coughed up a furball. I would need all the help I could get to get out of the city.

I looked at the furball I had just coughed up, and realized that was all I really needed. Who can focus on anything with a lump of fur in their throat?