I traded my all my baseball cards to Tommy

I traded my all my baseball cards to Tommy for his pet Slug, Oliver. I'm starting to think I was ripped off. He doesn't move much. That little shit jipped me. I tried prodding

the slug by jamming the top of a 9 volt battery into it. I needed to get my baseball cards back from Tommy. I had to trick him into wanting his slug back. My devious mind

came up with a cunning plan. I injected the slug with 0,1 ml's of cocaine solution so it won all the races in the Burkenwetter Slug Champion's League. Tommy soon called me and dema

goguery allowed us to win the election becoming Pres. & Veep of the Burkenwetter Slug Champions league. We increased membership by Fibonacci series once a week. The rival league

was from France -- the Escargot Tongue Ticklers...and so the gauntlet was thrown down. Using Fibonacci sequencing, our teams (the Slugs vs The Escargot) competed to predict the

rate at which people would kill themselves if Justin Bieber became Chairman of the Fed Reserve. Now we await the appointment to verify who came closest. The Escargot predicted

that Ben Bernanke was to be lead singer of One Direction. And the hair gelled muppets would lend much needed 'direction' to managing the Deficit. The Escargot wouldn't predict

come hell or high water, and he would know. The gel in the muppets' hair dissolved the flapping, googly-eyed puppets rapidly. One Direction broke out a flesh-eating rash, yet the

crowd cheered anyway. Elvis appeared and remarked how this plague on One Direction was the universe getting its revenge on mankind's sin. Gasp! Horror! Elvis had returned!

Then Elvis preceded to take all of his clothes off, and guzzle down 20 gallons of beer. So maybe it wasn't Elvis after all.