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She was there when Big Willie won the Pulitzer.

  • She was there when Big Willie won the Pulitzer. She stuck with him when he lost it all. But Big Willie was a horse and she was crazy.

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  • Big Willy did the talking when they got to the border. He mumbled through his bit. He was no ass. Crazy Mae slumped in Willy's saddle. "What's in saddlebag miss?" the mounty asked.

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  • "You CAD!" Crazy Mae hit the Mounty with one of her hard corn biscuits. Big Willy reach under his horse and squeezed a giant

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  • Tube of heinz ketchup on his keg.

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  • "Look," I began, starting off so slow that even this Mook could catch up eventually, "like you told my assistant to tell me I am here to hear you grievance of the way I have kept

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  • madlibs going.

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  • "Going, going... Gone- to the decrepit woman in the back row in the tasteless bandana!" said the caller. Mrs. McGurk waddled to the front to pick up the vintage "Mad Libs" book.

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  • Jennifer McGurk strode to the front and chastised the caller. "I will NOT have you speak of my mother that way. She only taught me to make muffins, but I could take your head off

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  • the menu if you apologize!" Jennifer McGurk stood over me with a glinting scythe. These McGurks. Absolutely f*ckin' crazy, ALL of 'em! "F*ck you and your muffins, b*tch!" I cried,

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  • She gasped in air and said, "Why you-!" Jen made a lunge for my hair but I brought the tray of mini muffins up landing square across her forehead. Blam! "Death by Dry Ass Muffins!"

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