A bat can do enough friendly good however

  • A bat can do enough friendly good however I just k

  • kneaded my bread dough with my fingers, and then I took a rolling pin to it. I've heard of using a bat to smooth it out, but mine was so big and heavy. So decided to wing it.

  • You see, when you pack that kind of heavy, puffy, translucent dough piles that I roll with it, plans are out the window. You got to adapt. Improvise. All this dough made my hands r

  • eally flexible, so that when I waved at my friends, they sort of flapped. "Hello!" (flapflapflapflapflapflapppp) It was embarrassing really. I had no choice. I opened a bakery.

  • My new bakery could only have one name, "Sweet Flapp'n Confections." SFC for short. I would make winged cakes and angel pies. Who's laughing now! The flying theme was all

  • inspired by my dear mother; after she was killed in a freak bird-related accident I thought it would be sweet to name my business venture after the way she died. Actually, now that

  • I thought about it, maybe "Trampled By an Ostrich" wasn't the best name for a diner or the most tactful way to honor my mother's death. But the sign was set & business was booming.

  • And when shellac-coiffed human cardboard reporters circled the diner for human interest pieces, I put on my best smile and sold the story. The emu burgers. The cassowary pie. All

  • of it. Every bit. Every crumb. The so-called journalists ate it up, then regurgitated the story in Reader's Digest. The whole thing stuck in my craw. I had to swallow my pride when

  • the cubs were young to avoid being busted for excess children, and then of course the snippy PTA moms treated me like someone who had eaten their young, which, admittedly, I had.



  1. lucielucie Jan 24 2015 @ 03:44

    I so totally cackled at 'Trampled by an Ostrich'...

  2. earthquakes Jan 25 2015 @ 18:23

    Haha! It was the only deadly bird that really had a ring to it

  3. SlimWhitman Feb 18 2015 @ 18:41

    Hahaha, PP could you possibly fit more food journalism puns in a fold?

  4. PurpleProf Feb 18 2015 @ 20:16

    Aw, SlimWhitman...I'm gettin' all choked up.

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