"In light of the untimely death of Horace

"In light of the untimely death of Horace the Housefly, we need to pick a new mascot." The school board surveyed their surroundings. "How about The Gazebos?" "No, we should be The

purse.Then Simmons put the two together, "A condom is sort of Wainscotting for a John Thomas isn't it?" That's how a new mascot,a big penis wearing a waistcoat of guilded boiseries

dipped in caramel and nuts like a candy apple became Simmons's came to be in his bathtub. Simmons shrieked and said, "I just love to say LeBlanc, LeBlanc!" But his mother was

unsupportive of his deep-seated oedipal issues of being confined to the bathroom. Simmons imagined his toy boat was captained by a man named LeBlanc in the caramel seas. 1st mate

Stanley sang "Cold Gin", hoping to attract someone's attention. The Kiss Army arrived, cocked and locked, ready to recover the toy boat. There was cold gin in their rucksacks! Yay!

They had to be good for something; quite frankly I found their Kiss painted faces ridiculous and slightly revolting, "Hey Stanley" I yelled, they're gonna make a play for the boat

. I could never watch such a play. One about boats would be boring. I pulled out a semiautomatic and mowed them down. realizing at the same time that I had put holes in the boat.

Margaret was the fragments of a name but the boat's name was Margaret. Even as the screams filled the night around me and the hot shells bounced off me, I could only think of her.

Margaret Mead. She may not have been that much to look at, but she knew plenty about making whoopie in Samoa. I didn't know which direction Samoa was, but I began swimming.