I was walking down the beach, soaking in

I was walking down the beach, soaking in the summer, salty air when my phone rang. It was unexpected. It whipped me out of my day dreaming. I quickly go to answer it and I was shoc

ked to hear Eric's voice again. Eric "Foxypants" Fox, my summer boyfriend from last summer, was on the International Space Station and didn't want to come back down, not with

the outbreak of pigeon fever that was wrecking havoc everywhere on the planet. The stupid birds were suddenly deciding their diet had to be 100% fresh human meat, which meant

that I, of course, was safe, being a zombie and all. The feverish pigeons had no interest in me. But my girlfriend, Living Barbie, was like bacon frying to them. They followed her

, oozing feverish pigeon shit upon everything in their orbit (and orbit my Living Barbie they did), until I did the only humane thing possible: I bit my zombie teeth into her bacon

Her soft shoulder tasted like sweet cream and urine, and I could tell that she was turning. Soon the entire state would be zombies. There would be nobody to stop my reign except

the zombie pigeons that had been trailing my girlfriend. Their guano was enough to repel even the hungriest of zombies. I had to find a way to stop them or my dreams of conquest

would be less than guano. I asked my girlfriend to be the bait in my trap. "I already know you're not a master baiter but I'll do it." The zombie pigeons followed her into a cage.

They put their feathers together in cahoots, and burrowed their way into my girlfriends screaming body. Her skin rippled and claws broke out from her skin, and a beak forced its wa

ckiness into the final fold of this bird-brained story. My girlfriend died, then rose again, a blinding aura emanating from behind her, until I saw the strings and the stage light.