"Dude looks like a lady," Tom said out of

"Dude looks like a lady," Tom said out of exhaustion more than anything else. "Come on man" I chided. Tom took a monster swig off his big gulp and said, "Due looks like a lady

." I thought he said 'dew looks like a lady' and began to recount examples of anthropomorphic representations of abstract ideas in the arts. Our absinthe spiked big gulps

were washing down the magic mushroom risotto perfectly. "So anyway" I said "don't you think that all objects are tainted by flawed perception?" Then his head turned into a pumpkin.

I realized at first glance, the pumpkin head was in fact flawed. The stem was broken and there was a large bruise on the side of it. "Can you still speak?" I asked. "Yes, but I

seem to have some holes in my face, and im feeling a bit light-headed. What's going on here?" I slowly put down the knife as not to alarm him, but to my amazement he

were from the gun. I had asked him for the "Whole Facial Package" , seems this miscommunication had left me with several bullet holes through my cheek and jaw. "Terrible spa." I sa

id. "That'll be fifty dollars," the man said. I easily got the bullets put and the punctures healed instantly. I flew toward the man and pushed him right off the building in anger.

But the man just floated off the side of the building and stayed right at my level. His anti-gravity aura was working too well. Growing even more frustrated, I searched for the

invisible pin to try and pop his invisible balloons, but couldn't find it so I pretended to have one. Just as well, he didn't need balloons to fly 'cause he was British. Oh well.