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I was the master of my craft, a real innovator

  • I was the master of my craft, a real innovator imitated by many and surpassed by none. What George Foreman was to indoor grilling, I was to

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  • George Foreman - everything. I rumbled his jungle, as it were. Apart from being George Foreman's idol, I am a world class polystyrene carver. One day a M. Ali contacted me to carve

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  • the Thanksgiving Turkey I put my hand over the phone's receiver and said to George Foreman, "Shut up, it's Ali. He wants me to carve his turkey." Foreman made a face like,

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  • well, Shirley Temple on the Good Ship Lollipop, if you must know. George Foreman sprouted blonde curls and a cute little polka-dot dress."I'll carve that turkey myself, dammit!" he

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  • flounced into the chair beside me and brandished a huge carving knife. My eyes widened. George inserted the blade, and turkey juice squirted through the air. "It's a gift," he said

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  • As Lord Krishna appeared and blessed everyone who donated turkey to the destitute families begging outside. George ate saag paneer and said the beggars at least weren't starving.

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  • Lord Krishna was suddenly sitting beside George. The whisper of a million whispers together told him that it was good that the beggars were eating. But it was far from the least.

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  • You see, the beggars weren't just here for a meal, they were adding tasty fat to themselves in order to prepare themselves for the next meal! This is far better than recycling

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  • cooking oils. When the beggars are properly fattened, add them to the onions and stir-fry until crispy. Serve over a warm bed of used Prada footwear and wash down with plenty of

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  • champagne, flavoured with orphan tears. Have a Louboutin for dessert." The author leaned back, satisfied. Yes, The Rich Bastard's Cookbook would be a hit.

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4 Comments

  1. Woab Jul 03 2019 @ 13:31

    Ya know, if we published The Rich Bastard's Cookbook, we could make millions. Then we would be able to afford to make the recipes.

  2. mattygroves Jul 03 2019 @ 17:43

    Wow. It took over 5 years to finish this story. I'm in awe. I'm imagining some very baffled people who started this, and long since forgotten this site even existed!

  3. LordVacuity Jul 03 2019 @ 18:17

    Yes, but you would also spur a new fad among the wannabe Rich and the Rich alike. Keeping up with the Joneses had taken another meaning since they're name didn't have to be Jones anymore.

  4. LordVacuity Jul 03 2019 @ 18:23

    Guilty. I used the wrong their there. I plead sausage like fingers and autocorrect have always been against me. Many of you know this, I've mentioned it before. Right now, as I write this autocorrect is telling me that I spelled autocorrect wrong.

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